deserving…

The past year has been crazy. So much has gone on, and God has been stretching me like CRAZY because of it.

However, one of the craziest notions I have heard (from more than one person, so I’m not singling out any one person) is from those who have said, “Tara, you’re such a good person. I am decent, but nothing like you…I don’t deserve any more than what I have. I’m okay with just being okay, cause that’s all I can get.”

But the craziest part about all of it is that it’s not so crazy…to think that, that is. Whoever you are, no matter what path in life you take, there is always that someone who is your unattainable but so desirable person you wish you could be like. But no matter who you are or who you feel you cannot ever compare to, that feeling is WRONG…so why do we all feel that way?

Some people are full fledged this way, while others just feel this way about small things in life…but we all do it. I believe what it boils down to is shame…and condemnation.

No one knows all of your sins and bad decisions and thought processes, and shortcomings and hang-ups and strongholds better than yourself. When you get the Enemy reminding you on an almost hourly basis of the things you don’t feel you deserve, it’s easy to be discouraged and feel that you just need to find something in order to “get by.”

I have been listening to Lisa Bevere on PodCast a lot, and something she spoke struck a cord with me tonight. It’s not about the past. It’s not about what you HAVE done or HAVEN’T done. It’s about your birthright…we are children of the most high GOD! God has been speaking to me about true honor and respect as well too. Regardless of how you feel about the president or congress members, or cops or mayors…we are commanded to show honor to them, simply because of their office. It doesn’t matter what they do, they have that position, so we have no alternative but to honor. The only other option is dishonor, and the Lord speaks against dishonoring even your enemies. As God’s children, we should accept nothing less than HONOR for whom we choose to have in our lives for spouses, best friends, boyfriends, etc.

It really is hard to put into words exactly what I’m thinking so I guess I will just sum it up like this…If you feel like you are undeserving of God’s best and fullness, and His destiny for your life because of what you have done in the past, or what you continue to do even now, remember…His mercies are new every morning. And we are not deserving, which is what makes mercy and grace so wonderful.

And, for the record, I did not CHOOSE for my husband to treat me the way he did and for our marriage to end because of it, but i DID choose, and CONTINUE to choose to use it for my betterment…for my destiny. God makes beauty of ashes, and my ashes are slowly and surely being brought back to life, and taking shape and becoming more and more beautiful every day. :)