I’m honestly not one for new year’s resolutions…honestly. I am of the opinion that it’s never too late—or too early—to resolve to change things that need to be changed. However, the end of this year signals the end of an era for me. After battling for two years, in and out of courts, arguments over child support and what is best for my son, it is over. On September 19, my divorce became finalized. That day and the weeks that followed were some of the hardest I’ve had since taking the first step and making the decision that I’d rather be a single mom than stay married to someone who broke my heart as well as our marriage vows—repeatedly. I would rather be alone than have my health be at risk because of my husband’s promiscuity. I would rather have no one than be with someone who was emotionally abusive. However, those dark days revealed something in my heart…I am not the one to credit for how much I have grown these past few years—and I had forgotten that until recently.
You see, one of the things that has blown my mind since the whole process started was something that people told me. People would say (and still do say) to me, “Tara, you’re so strong…I couldn’t do what you’re doing. I’m not strong enough.” And I would say to them, “Well, I just faked it til I made it. I HAD to be strong, even when I felt my weakest.” Then I would say, “Well, if I didn’t have God, my family, and my church, I think it would be SO much worse and I wouldn’t have come this far.” But in my quiet moments, I would wonder…if I’m “so strong,” why don’t I feel strong.
In those quiet moments, God would speak. I would hear, “In your weakness, you are strong…because my strength is made perfect in your weakness.” It was not until after our women’s even at church—Soup for the Soul—that there was a phrase that put a face on this concept. And it changed my entire outlook. She went in the strength she had. I did the best I could to not just cry in the middle of the crowded room, but when I got home, I let the dam release. That is what it is all about…going in the strength that I have. And I don’t have a lot of strength in and of myself…but God doesn’t ask me to be strong. He has not given me a spirit of fear, but he doesn’t expect me—or WANT me—to do everything for myself. All he wants is for me to go in the strength I have…and ask Him to take me the rest of the way. It’s not a tag-team…it’s a partnership.
So this next year, regardless of what happens—not just because it’s a new year—I will remember. I am not strong. He is. When people see my strength combined with God’s, instead of being confused about it, I can use my testimony—cause Lord knows I’ve been through some TESTS—to help other people who are going through similar issues.
She went in the strength she had…
