Here I am...three days away from standing before a judge...a judge who doesn't know me, doesn't know my past, my situation, or my reasons for being here. But this judge will decide the next steps in the life of my child.
I must admit, I am having a hard time tonight. It is finally hitting me that this week, everything changes. I am also realizing that, no matter how hard I try, no matter how great my sacrifices, how "cool" of a mom I am, I will never be enough for my baby. For almost four years now, I have fed him, clothed and bathed him, loved and disciplined him--alone. But I can never be enough for him. I was not created to complete him, just as he was not created to complete me...but here we are.
I am learning...just as I tell others that Jesus is enough for them, He is enough for me. He is enough for my little man. He is the mender of our "broken" family. With HIM, we are more put together than we would be otherwise. And until the day comes when we can welcome a good, godly DISCIPLE of a man into our lives, Jesus has got us in the palm of His hands. He will never leave us or forsake us, like some others have. He will not let us fall just for the sake of falling. He will carry us with His mighty right hand! He will conquer our enemies and defeat those who stand against us. He is a husband to the neglected and a Father to those who have been abandoned.
He has brought us this far. He will not let us down. I may not be able to FEEL it, but I can KNOW it.
So though this family law judge may not know me, my RIGHTEOUS judge knows me...down to the number of hairs on my head--and He loves me and my bear more than words could even express.
